Fifty
by grimmkittylove
Summary: DISCONTINUED. My take on the 50 shinobi themes challenge. ItaSaku, various genres and ratings. Chapter 23- theme 44 pebble
1. shrimp

**Fifty**

_In Which Kisame Learns Not to Underestimate the Color Pink_

**theme no. 07**- _shrimp_

**Rating**: K+- for implied violence

**Genre**: Humor

**Pairing**(**s**): N/A

**Word Count**: 167

**AN**: Written for the 50 shinobi themes challenge. Enjoy.

--

"Are you sure this is Konoha's top kunoichi, Itachi-san? She doesn't look all that scary."

There is a long sigh from the other conscious occupant of the room. "Yes, Kisame, I am sure."

"But she's so tiny! And pink! Seriously, I could throw her in the next batch of seafood curry and you wouldn't be able to distinguish her from the shrimp."

Another sigh. "No, Kisame. I assure you, she is quite dangerous."

A derisive snort wakes Haruno Sakura from her drug-induced stupor and she vaguely recognizes the two voices above her.

"Dangerous? She doesn't look big enough to hurt a fly!"

Five minutes later, Hoshigaki Kisame is sporting a lovely black eye, which, according to the kunoichi who inflicted it, compliments his blue skin quite nicely, and she would be happy to give him a matching one should he choose to compare her to a miniature sea creature again. He respectfully declines, glaring balefully at his partner with his one good eye. Uchiha Itachi simply smirks.

--

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto is god. Therefore, he owns it all.**


	2. ribbon

**Fifty**

_In Which Itachi and Sakura Learn to Feel Again_

**No. 45-** _ribbon_

**Rating: **T- for mentions of death

**Genre: **Angst

**Pairing(s): **impliedItaSaku

**Word Count: **432

**AN:** Inexplicable spasm of angst time. Yeah, it's another one.

He'd always known that she would go back. Though they were invisible, he could still see the ties she had to the village. Every time she looked at him, he knew she saw his younger brother. He knew she still had the photograph of her genin team, hidden in her journal. The ribbon she always wore around her neck was the subtlest _and_ the most obvious sign. She had never told him the story behind it, but she guarded it with her life. Once, when the enemy had managed to hold her at kunai-point, she didn't show any fear until he'd taken them out, and then only for the scrap of material tied around the most fragile part of her body.

He had seen it coming, her betrayal, but he didn't expect it to _hurt_. He was Uchiha Itachi. He did not have feelings, and he most certainly did not care for the most recent member of and traitor to the Akatsuki. A small voice in the back of his head, the one he'd thought he'd silenced forever, whispered that it was okay to hurt, that he did have feelings. Once again, he ignored its murmurs. But it didn't make the pain go away.

She was staring at him now, as if she expected him to say something. He remained silent, simply watching her. A sigh escaped her lips. Before he could react, she untied the ribbon, strode over to his side, and pressed the ragged fabric into his hand before placing a kiss on his cheek.

"My best friend gave me that," she hissed. "Don't you dare lose it, Uchiha."

--

She was there when the hunter squad headed by her best friends brought him in. A startled cry rose in her throat at the sight of his too-pale skin and too-thin lips and the blood all over, but she crushed it, remembering that she was no longer his medic. She was theirs. Still she couldn't help but move closer, to make sure.

The lead hunter's bright blond hair stuck up over his mask, and he almost dropped the body at the sight of her. She froze and he seemed to remember that he was holding something.

"We got him, Sakura-chan," Naruto rasped. Sakura smiled sadly as she reached out for the man's head with a shaking hand. Her friend noticed. "What are you doing?"

She ignored him, running her hand through the dead man's hair until she came to what she was looking for. The blond gaped as she pulled the ribbon free and crushed it in her fist.

--

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything associated with him or his friends.**


	3. ink blotch

**Fifty**

_In Which Sasuke, Naruto, and Sai Learn the Hard Way Not to Mess With Sakura on a Date _

**theme no. 43**- _ink blotch_

**Rating**: T- for language

**Genre**: Humor/Romance

**Pairing**(**s**): ItaSaku

**Word Count**: 1164

**AN**: Sorry it's so late. Please review! It reminds me to update.

It was not often that Haruno Sakura was able to spend quality time with her fiancé. She was a full-time medic-nin, in addition to her missions with Team Kakashi, and he had his duties as clan heir to deal with on top of his ANBU work. So when Itachi surprised her by showing up at her door with a rose and invited her to accompany him on a twilight stroll through the Uchiha training grounds, she accepted immediately. She could only hope that the rest of her team wouldn't find out and try to spy on them.

She sighed at the thought. Sasuke, Naruto, and Sai were three of her best friends, but they were not the most supportive of her relationship with Itachi. Sasuke's problem was that he stubbornly clung to the belief that his older brother was the devil incarnate, whereas Naruto still nursed a crush on her and Sai simply found it amusing to make her life miserable (he had nothing against Itachi.)

The walk had gone smoothly for the first forty-five minutes. The young couple simply basked in each other's presence (though Itachi would deny 'basking' in anything) as they admired the dimly lit forest, but Sakura's worst fears came back when her fiancé suddenly turned around to stare hard at a large bush. She followed his gaze, but when she saw nothing out of the ordinary, she turned to face him.

"What is it, 'Tachi-kun?" she whispered. He gave a rare smile and she melted at the sight.

"Nothing to worry about," he said soothingly. "However, it is getting late. Would you object to turning back? I would rather not risk the wrath of your shishou should I fail to return you on time."

"Of course not," Sakura replied softly, giving a little sigh as he brushed her forehead with his lips and took her hand. The pair reversed their path and resumed their walk in comfortable silence, until she looked down for a split second. She frowned at the sight of a random puddle in the middle of the path. Biting her lip, she slid out of Itachi's hold and dipped her finger in the liquid. Her eyes narrowed. It was ink.

"Sakura?" Itachi inquired quietly.

"They've been following us," she hissed, holding up her ink-stained finger for him to see. "This is Sai's ink."

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "Now, what should we do about this?"

She beamed, a mischievous glint in her eye as she motioned for him to come a little closer. "I was hoping you'd ask." A slow smirk crawled across Itachi's face as his fiancée outlined her plan, and he pressed his lips to her ear.

"I like the way you think." Sakura shivered at his touch, then straightened with a steely resolve.

"All right, guys, you can come out now!" she called sweetly. Her smile widened as the tree to their left rustled and started to speak in three very familiar voices.

"Shit, they heard us!"

"No they didn't, dobe! They found Sai's ink spill."

"SAI!"

"Great, now they definitely did hear us."

"Nice work, dickless. Am I to assume that our impromptu reconnaissance mission is to be aborted?"

"Damn right," a feminine voice growled from behind the three stooges. Her unfortunate victims froze.

The loudest one (who also happened to be the only ninja in existence stupid enough to wear orange) reacted first. "ARGH! It's Sakura-chan! Run for the safety of your man-parts!" There was a short scuffle, and three bodies tumbled out of the tree, landing at the Uchiha prodigy's feet. Sharingan whirling, Itachi crouched down to meet the eye level of his unwitting prey.

"You got an ink spot on my fiancee's shirt," he purred in the velvety voice that generally indicated certain death to the person unfortunate enough to hear it (with the exception of his fiancée, but let's not go there.) All three boys paled and instantly performed their respective transportation jutsus, disappearing in a whirl of leaves, ash, and ink. Sakura slid out of the tree as Itachi stood back up, and they simply looked at each other for a moment.

Something seemed to dawn on the pink-haired kunoichi, and she looked up at her lover with an accusatory glare. "You knew they were there the whole time, didn't you?"

Itachi's eyes glimmered with amusement. "And if I did?"

"I can't believe you! Did you really?"

"Hm… did I?"

"You're starting to sound like Kakashi-sensei, 'Tachi-kun."

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked softly. Her eyes narrowed.

"Yes, it's a bad thing! You are in so much trouble when we get home, mister!" she fumed, only serving to entertain him further. With a playful growl, he scooped her up in a tight hold and smirked as he heard her breath hitch, presumably at their proximity.

"As much as I would be looking forward to this trouble I've been promised, blossom," he murmured in her ear, "Tsunade would not be happy with me if I returned her precious student to her without a proper night's sleep."

Sakura huffed, smacking his chest indignantly before crossing her arms. "You are absolutely no fun at all, Uchiha Itachi."

"Thank you. I will take that as a compliment."

"Bite me."

"You have an ink blotch on your shirt."

"WHAT? No way, this is my favorite!" After furiously examining her attire, she turned back to her fiancé with a glare. "You lied to me!"

"Hm?" At the look she gave him, he shrugged. "Perhaps I imagined it. In any case, I must take my leave."

"Huh?" When she looked around, Sakura realized that somehow they were back at her apartment complex. Puzzled, she raised her head to stare at her fiancé. "When did we get here?"

"You are exceptionally unobservant for a kunoichi," he replied evenly, a teasing glint in gaze. "It's a wonder that you've survived thus far."

"I'm only unobservant around you," Sakura shot back without thinking, before giving a little squeak and burying her face in his chest. "Please tell me I didn't just say that. I didn't, did I?" When he didn't reply, she looked up tentatively. He was gazing down at her in wonder, as if he'd never seen anything quite like her before.

"Yes, you said it," he murmured absently. "Did you mean it?"

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. "Yeah, I did." After a second, she cautiously reopened one eye to check his reaction. A moment passed by, and she relaxed.

"You are an odd girl, Sakura Haruno," Itachi said finally. "No one else compares."

Knowing that it was the closest to a confession of never-ending love she was likely to ever get, she giggled and reached up to peck him on the lips before sliding out of his arms. "I love you too, 'Tachi-kun. I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded once and she stepped inside. When she turned around to say something more, he had already vanished.

--

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, ItaSaku and SasuTema would be canon. Hmmm... gee, I wonder.**


	4. Icha Icha Paradise

**Fifty**

_In Which Books Are Swapped_

**No. 24-** _Icha Icha Paradise_

**Rating: **K

**Genre: **Humor/Romance

**Pairing(s): **ItaSaku

**Word Count: **390

**AN**: -gaspeth- She updated after only a day? It's the end of the world! Ahem. Anyways, please review. Thanks to Cherry-Hime-chan who was kind enough to do so.

Haruno Sakura was in an unusually festive mood. In general, she was the person you could count on to ruin a good Christmas Eve party with her pessimistic and Scrooge-ish behavior. Naruto and Ino had even gone so far as to begin calling her Mrs. Grinch. This year, however, was a different story, because this year, she had a reason to celebrate.

The change in her attitude had nothing to do with the season, as could be expected for someone who disliked snow and green and red and presents all together, but everything to do with a certain ANBU captain who happened to be closely related to a certain best friend of hers. She had never properly thanked Sasuke and Naruto for accidentally setting her up with Itachi, but she was certain that the wonderful gifts she'd found whilst shopping enthusiastically for the first time in several years would say it all. Her present for her boyfriend was even better, in her opinion. An excited giggle burst out, and several passerby gave her odd looks as she started humming. Oh yes, this year was going to be a year to remember.

---

Uchiha Itachi blinked once, just to make sure he'd seen correctly. His girlfriend had been twitching happily in her seat as he meticulously unwrapped her Christmas gift to him, but was now looking at him in deep concern.

" 'Tachi-kun?" she said anxiously. "Is something wrong?"

"I am simply taking in the glory of the present you have so generously gifted me with," he replied cautiously. "But are you sure this is what you meant to get me?"

"Umm, yeah."

"Hey, Sakura-chan?" Naruto shouted across the room. The pinkette's head snapped up to look at her friend. "Why'd you get Kakashi-sensei a collection of Shakespearian sonnets?"

"I didn't!" she said, puzzled. "That's what I got…" Her green eyes widened comically as she seemed to realize something.

"Sakura-chan?" the blond asked uneasily.

" 'Tachi-kun," Sakura said slowly, "the sonnets were supposed to be your gift, but I think I mixed your present up with Kakashi-sensei's."

Itachi raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Ah. That would explain why I opened a copy of _Icha Icha Paradise: Special Collector's Edition_." She blushed crimson as everyone in the room burst out into a fit of laughter.

It was a year to remember, indeed.

**Disclaimer: Seriously, think about it. What kind of idiot would I have be if I were to say I owned Naruto?**


	5. this is my way as a ninja

**Fifty**

_In Which Itachi Learns to Elaborate_

**theme no. 01**: 'this is my way as a ninja'

**Rating: **T- because Evie is paranoid

**Genre: **Romance

**Pairing(s): **ItaSaku

**Word Count**: 188

**AN**: ZOMG! What's this? Another fast update? Hehe. Thanks to Cheery-Hime-chan and Nishimura Minami for reviewing. Hmmm… the big fat button on the bottom of the page wants you to follow their example…

--

She once asked him why. Why had he gone to such lengths to make Sasuke hate him in order to keep him alive, why had he made himself so much trouble by trying to keep her under Akatsuki's radar, and why had he tried to hard to push her away, when all she wanted was him? He hadn't answered directly, only telling her that he had his motives, which infuriated her beyond reason. But he had thought about it.

It was simple really. He would do anything to keep those he cared about safe, even if it meant distancing himself from them and sacrificing any chance of them knowing and loving him as well. He would hurt them if he had to and make his own life a living hell if it would do them good. That was how he showed he cared, his reason for living, or, as the kyuubi vessel would put it, his way as a ninja.

When he told her this, she stared at him for a moment before bursting into tears, calling him an idiot, and kissing him soundly on the mouth.

**Disclaimer: Me no owney.**


	6. your precious someone

**Fifty**

_In Which Itachi Isn't Actually a Selfish Bastard_

**theme no. 02**- your precious someone

**Rating**: T- because Evie is a paranoid freak

**Genre**: Angst/Romance

**Pairing**(**s**): ItaSakuSasu

**Word Count**: 150

**AN**: Ummm… hi again! Geez… if this keeps up, I'll have this done in less than two months! X.x Weird to think about. Anyhoo, thanks to Cherry-Hime-chan for reviewing, and to Angels Falls08, FanFicHolic, aznkitty180, and rosethourne for subscribing. Let's try to get up to 7 reviews this chapter, mmm? It's not like I won't update, but it's nice to hear from the people who are reading, even if it's just a "great work, update soon" review. Thanks!

--

Uchiha Itachi had always been the wrong brother, and he knew it was never going to be any different. Though she would never admit it to anyone, he knew that Sakura wished he were Sasuke. He knew she watched his brother and his petite, dark-haired Mist kunoichi with unconcealed envy, always wondering what the other girl had that she didn't. She had never asked him to cut his hair or henge his stress lines in order to more closely resemble his brother, but if she had, he would have done it. Even if he never said so, he would do everything she asked of him. Even if he was only ever going to be a replacement for his brother, if that was what she needed from him, it was what he would be. Because, despite everything, she was his precious person, and he would do anything to make her happy.

**Disclaimer: Umm… yeah, no, un. x.X**


	7. tadpole

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura's Vocabulary is Enriched_

**No. 12-** _tadpole_

**Rating: **K+

**Genre: **General/Humor

**Pairing(s): **N/A

**Word Count: **325

**AN**: A shout out to Lady Silvamord, Lady Massacre, LidkaStar, and Cherry-Hime-chan for reviewing! I was completely and utterly overwhelmed by the response to the last chapter. You people are awesome. If I could, I would give each of you a hug for your complete awesomeness. If I didn't get back to you individually, I'm sorry. x.X I'm terrible at composing personal responses... must come from being terrible at accepting compliments, because you guys are too kind. On with the show!

--

"Wow!" Uchiha Itachi looked down at the breathless little girl with undisguised lack of patience.

"What?" he asked tonelessly, eyeing her strange pink hair speculatively. Yes, it _was_ the young kunoichi that was constantly following his little brother around. How... annoying.

"Sasuke-kun said it happened, but I didn't believe it 'til now," the pinkette said, her awe evident on her face.

"What are you talking about?" the thirteen-year-old repeated, quickly growing tired of the guessing game.

"He said your tadpoles turned a funny shape, and I don't think he meant for me to hear but he was right!" she responded dramatically, the words coming out in a rush. "I saw them!"

"Tadpoles?"

The eight-year-old sighed. "Those black things in your eye. You know, the thing your sharingummy thingamabob does?"

A light flicked on in the attic. "You mean the tomoes in my sharingan?" the older shinobi asked quietly. "He said they changed?"

"Uh huh, and I saw it too!" She glared up at him. "So don't tell me he was just imagining things!"

"Hn. As you wish." He turned to leave, but the persistent little girl determinedly yanked on his shirt and he reluctantly returned his gaze to her inquisitive green eyes.

"Well, how come?" she demanded impatiently. "If it was normal for that to happen, he wouldn't have said anything about it! Why did your tadpole- er, right - um, tomoes change when no one else's does?"

The dark-haired boy considered her for a long while before closing the eyes in question. "Go home and play now, Sakura-chan. These things do not involve you and it would not be prudent for you to know."

She looked as though she badly wanted to argue with him for a moment, but seemed to know better, as she bowed and mumbled a resentful farewell before huffing and storming away. Itachi contemplated the encounter for a few minutes before almost letting loose a most un-Uchiha-like snort. Tadpoles indeed.

**Disclaimer: If I were Kishimoto, Itachi would be making his timely and completely unexpected return in chapter 435. Um... yeah.**


	8. rivals

**Fifty**

_In Which Kakashi Learns to Let Go_

**theme no**. **41**- rivals

**Rating: **T- mild language

**Genre: **Romance/General

**Pairing(s): **KakaSaku/ItaSaku

**Word Count: **215

AN: Ummm… yeah, don't know where this came from. I'm working on a longer piece, just for you people who asked for it. Soooo… here's a short one to give you something to read while I work on the long one. XD

--

Hatake Kakashi was never meant to win. Her heart had always belonged to someone else, someone younger (only five years her senior to his fourteen), more attractive, stronger and more dangerous, and the copy-nin was man enough to admit that she was better suited to the other shinobi. Yes, Uchiha Itachi and Haruno Sakura were meant for each other, but that didn't mean he wouldn't kick the missing-nin's ass if he hurt her.

The next time he saw either of them, he told them this. Sakura just stared at him and burst into tears. Itachi's reaction, however, was much more unexpected.

"If I ever hurt her, Hatake-san, I would gladly allow you to kill me."

Three months later, when the Akatsuki and Konohagakure announced their alliance, Uchiha Itachi and Haruno Sakura announced their engagement. When the Hokage asked her closest advisor how he felt, he said nothing.

At their wedding, he was best man in place of Uzumaki Naruto, at Itachi's request. At the birth of their firstborn, Sasuke, he was named godfather to the tiny dark-haired baby with bright green eyes. At their double funeral, he was given the right to light the pyre that would send their ashes to the four corners of the earth. And on his deathbed, he had no regrets.

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Never has been. Never will be. Unless I become God. But that won't ever happen.**


	9. dreams

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura's Nightmares Come True_

**theme no. 18**- dreams

**Rating**: T for lots of cussing. As in, LOTS of cussing.

**Genre**: Angst/Romance

**Pairing**(**s**): ItaSaku

**Word Count**:

**AN**: Sakura will seem reeeeeeally out of character in this one. And I'm sorry. But, it's just how it came out. By my reasoning, you'd be reacting the same way if you were in her position. You'll see. Also, this is an attempt at writing purely dialogue as an experiment, so bear with me if it's terrible. Please, please, give me some feedback. I want to know if you felt it added to or took away from the piece to leave all the imagery to your imaginations.

Anyhoo, thanks to Lady Massacre and Cherry-hime-chan for reviewing again. The length is for you two.

--

"Don't you dare do this to me. You're dead."

"Obviously not."

"I watched you die, Itachi. I watched Sasuke kill you. I watched you bleed to death, I saw him smile, I heard him laugh, and I wanted to fucking kill him. So I did. And now I'm out here, on the run from everyone I loved, and my conscience is fucking with me for murdering my best friend because he eliminated his brother, a missing-nin that I had no business giving a shit about."

"Your language is as appalling as ever, and I'm not dead."

"You are. He hit you in the goddamn chest with a fucking chidori, slit your throat, and beat the shit out of your body. And then I did pretty much the same to him, except I didn't use chidori. Shit, Itachi, I ripped his fucking heart out of his chest. It was still beating. Ha, but it's not anymore. Neither is yours."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I am quite alive."

"Tell me how. How the hell are you alive?"

"That is of no consequence. Your shouts are sure to bring the nearest shinobi patrol upon us."

"It doesn't matter anymore. They can kill me now for all I care. You're dead, my village is hunting me down, and I'm clearly going bat-shit crazy. I'm talking to a dead man, arguing with him over whether his death was genuine or not. In fact, I wish they would come for me. Oh, hey! There's genin team in the bushes, whoopee. Unless they're my imagination, too. Hey, idiots! Yeah, you! Dog-spawn, Blondie, Emo, and lazy-ass sensei! Come out here and get it over with!"

"You know they are not foolish enough to enter a clearing occupied by two S-class missing-nin, both of whom are commonly believed to be clinically insane, Sakura."

"Don't say my name like that. You're not real. You're not real. You're not fucking real."

---

"Should we attack, Shikamaru-sensei?"

"Hold back for a moment, Suine. Hinato, check the area for anyone besides Haruno and the three of us. Kurobara, is she under a genjutsu?"

"Negative. Sharingan shows her chakra flow is completely normal."

"The clearing is empty except for Haruno, Shikamaru-sensei."

"So you're telling me that either Uchiha Itachi managed to survive his battle with his younger brother and is currently cloaking his chakra and appearance so well that even the byakugan and sharingan can't detect him in order to talk to a broken-hearted, rogue kunoichi, or we are currently within the reach of a mentally insane, S-class missing-nin who was formerly Konoha's most formidable agent. Troublesome."

"So what do we do, Shika-sensei?"

"Turn this into a lesson, of course. Do you remember what I told you to do if you ever came across Haruno Sakura?"

"If you're alone, run. If you're with your teammates, run. If you're with a squad of ANBU, still run, because you'll only get in the way."

"Exactly."

"But sensei, what do we do if she comes after us?"

"Run like you've never run before, kid, and pray that she gets bored before she catches you."

---

"They're talking about me, you know. Why can't they see you, Itachi? Oh, yeah, you're a figment of my fucked-up imagination. I hope Shika-kun gets them out of here before I lose whatever the hell I have left of rational thought."

"What will it take you make you believe me, Sakura-chan?"

"Don't call me that."

"What would it take?"

"You're not real. Anything you did would just be my imagination."

"Sakura. What would it take?"

---

"Shika-sensei, she's not alone after all."

"Hmm?"

"There was a small chakra flare right in front of her. It feels similar to my brother's and mine."

"Dammit."

"Sensei?"

"Yes, Bara-chan?"

"Should we be scared?"

"He just called you Bara-chan, woman. We're gonna die."

"Shut up, Suine."

"Sensei, we're screwed, aren't we?"

"Realistically, we have a small chance of living if we leave now. We have a smaller one if we stay."

"Then go, Shika-kun. You know I don't like killing kids."

"You heard her sensei! She's letting us go, we should take the chance."

"You're one troublesome lady, Sakura Haruno."

"Yeah, I know. Now scram before I change my mind and rip their fucking heads off."

"I would take her advice, Nara. After all, their lives are in your hands."

"Holy shit!"

"Is that…?"

"So, Uchiha, you really decided to reveal yourself."

"You can see him too?"

"He was hiding himself impossibly well, Haruno-san."

"No need for formalities, pup. It's just Sakura."

"Umm…"

"Nice to see you too, Shika-kun. I'm hurt, you didn't even say hello."

"Hello, Sakura."

"Hehe, these kids are cute. Hinato Uzumaki, Byakugan Blondie… damn, he looks just like Naruto. Kurobara Uchiha, Black Rose… your foolish little brother wasn't really inventive, was he, 'Tachi-kun? Suine Inuzuka, Water Puppy… damn, you look like Kiba, girlie, not that you're too masculine. You and Blondie could pass for your daddies. Sure would scare the kiddies on Halloween…"

"Sakura…"

"Be quiet, Uchiha. I still haven't decided whether you're imaginary or not. In fact, all of you just need to shut up. I need to figure out if this is a dream."

"Sakura…"

"Don't touch me. I swear to God I'll rip out your imaginary throat."

"Sakura…"

"I said shut up!"

"Sakura…"

"SHUT UP!"

"Sakura!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU'RE NOT REAL, THEY'RE NOT REAL, AND I'M FUCKING INSANE!"

"Sakura, wake up!"

---

_**Beep**__… Beep... __**Beep**__… Beep… __**Beep**__… Beep… __**Beep**__… Beep… __**Beep**__… Beep… __**Beep**__… Beep…_

"_No. Nonononononononononono! No, don't do it Sasuke, please!"_

"_Sakura, wake up! You're dreaming!"_

"_She's not waking up! Oh god, Sakura, don't be dead, don't be dead!"_

"_Calm down, Yamanaka-san. She's not dead, just sleeping really deeply."_

"_But Jinko, I can't wake her up!"_

"_Ino, she will be fine. Her vitals are stable."_

"_Oh god, oh god, no they're not, her heart rate is slowing down! Her blood pressure is dropping, she breathing faster, oh my god, Shizune, she's dying!"_

"_What are you talking abo- oh my word! Jinko, fetch Tsunade-hime, quickly!"_

"_Yes, Shizune-san!"_

"_Oh god, there's no time for that Shizune!"_

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep._

---

"Why are you still here, Shika-kun?"

"I don't know."

"You should leave, Nara. She's not stable."

"Damn right I'm not! Get out of here. Scram!"

"You're my father's brother, aren't you?"

"Come on Bara. We're leaving!"

"No! He ruined my dad's life, and she killed him and ruined my mom's!"

"Are you insane, little girl? Run away. Maybe in a few years, if I'm still alive, you can come after me and kill me. But then, you'd be making the same mistake as your idiot father. Don't you look at me like that, girlie, he _was_ an idiot for choosing revenge!"

"Kurobara Uchiha, get over here! We're retreating, and that's an order!"

"But-"

"Get out of here!"

"Go, you foolish girl."

"Yes, otooji-sama."

---

"Why did you call him that, Bara-chan?"

"I don't know. It just seemed fitting. He is my otooji-san, after all, and much more powerful than me."

"Whatever. That stunt you pulled back there was really dangerous. Don't you ever do something like that again, okay?"

"Sure, Hinato. Like you've never done anything incredibly stupid."

"I'm serious, Bara-chan. I was worried."

"Idiot."

"I know."

---

"So, what now, Uchiha?"

"I do not know."

"Well, gee, that's comforting."

---

"_I've been waiting for this for a long time, Itachi."_

"_I know."_

"_You ruined my life, you know that? All this time, I was thinking that revenge really could make it better, but it doesn't, does it?"_

"_Never, Sasuke. Revenge is folly."_

"_So why? Why did you tell me to find you when I was a fitting opponent? Why did you set me on this path?"_

"_I had hoped it would make you stronger, Sasuke. I hoped you would despise me enough to ignore what I told you. I did not wish for you to become yet another pawn in the games of this accursed village."_

"_That's a lie too, isn't it? Sakura told me all about your little 'job' for the village. They made you kill our family. You loved the village so much that you sacrificed everyone, even okaa-san and otou-san for it. But why leave me alive?"_

"_That is for me to know, and you to never find out. You are wrong about me, Sasuke. Stop trying to believe I had no choice. They could have given someone else the job, but they chose me, and I accepted it."_

"_That's not true! No one else could have succeeded!"_

"_That is because no one else had the same kind of disgust for our clan as I did. The Uchiha clan was filthy, full of foolish ideals of clan pride. I cleansed it, and the line will end with us."_

"_No. It won't. I will survive, and I will resurrect it."_

"_You would be foolish to do so. Let it die, Sasuke-kun."_

"_Never!"_

---

"Call me an idiot, but I think Bara-chan looked just like a female version of you, 'Tachi-kun. Just without the stress lines."

"Hn."

"Your vocabulary hasn't expanded much since he killed you, has it?"

"My vocabulary is perfectly acceptable, Sakura. I simply choose not to speak as often as you do."

"…Itachi?"

"Yes?"

"Am I crazy?"

"You are just as sane as I am."

"So I'm not okay."

"No. You are not."

---

"_Why, Sakura? I thought you loved Sasuke. You certainly told him so when you were twelve."_

"_Not anymore. Not after he killed him."_

"_Why did you care if Sasuke killed his brother? He had nothing to do with you."_

"_Itachi had everything to do with me, Inoichi-san."_

"_Please elaborate."_

"_No."_

"_Very well."_

"_I'll tell you all about how it felt to kill him, though."_

"_That will not be necessary."_

"_Oh, but it is, Inoichi-san. You won't let my best friend in here, just because she's your daughter. So the task falls to you to hear me out."_

"_You are dismissed to your cell, Haruno."_

"_I hated him, Inoichi-san. I wanted him to die. I saw Itachi die and it felt like my whole heart was ripped out. I wanted the same thing to happen to him. So I made it happen."_

---

"She really loved him, didn't she, okaa-san?"

"Who loved who?"

"Haruno Sakura. She loved Uchiha Itachi a lot."

"Yeah. She did. She loved him enough to murder her best friend and childhood crush for killing him."

"Okaa-san?"

"Yes?"

"You were her best friend too, weren't you?"

"She told me once that I was the best girl friend she could ever hope to have."

"Did she tell you about him?"

"Everything. The way she described her feelings for him made me search my soul for a person who made me feel that way. She inadvertently led me to your father."

"Would you kill someone to avenge him?"

"…Suine, what she did was not right. She had a reason, but it was not a good one. The best revenge is to turn the other cheek. Revenge only brings on the desire for more revenge. I know it's an odd thing for a kunoichi to say, but it's true. Uchiha Sasuke found that out by paying with his life, and Haruno Sakura knows it too. He's much luckier than she is."

"How is that? He's dead."

"Yes, but she has to live with the guilt. She has to live with the knowledge that she killed her best friend."

---

"_How could you, Sakura-chan?"_

"_Don't fucking call me that, Naruto."_

"_I won't. Just tell me why?"_

"_Why? WHY? You're asking ME why? He killed him, that's why."_

"_What? He killed ITACHI, Sakura! He completed his life's ambition! He could have come back to us then, we could have been a team again!"_

"_Naruto, he wouldn't have come back! Even if he had, I wouldn't have given a damn, because he killed him."_

"_What was wrong with finally avenging his clan?"_

"_Everything."_

---

"Hokage-sama, I'm here to report a run-in with Haruno Sakura while on border patrol."

"Sakura?"

"Yes."

"What happened? Is Hinato okay? What about the rest of them?"

"They're fine. She left them alone."

"Well, tell me about it, dammit!"

"We were making the usual route and were about to enter a clearing, but Suine scented her there. We stopped behind some bushes. She appeared to be having an argument with what she seemed to believe was a hallucination of Uchiha Itachi. She noticed us rather quickly, and began to shout louder. I had Hinato and Kurobara scan the clearing for anyone else, and both reported nothing. Eventually, Kurobara spotted a flare of chakra in front of Haruno that she said felt similar to her own and Fugashi's. She seemed to be under the impression that it was an Uchiha."

"Impossible. Could it have been one of their mother's relatives?"

"Negative. I'll tell you why in a moment. In any case, she came over and spoke with us. Looked completely lazy, like a cat would before it pounced on something. Told us to get out. Then someone else backed her up, and it sure as hell wasn't one of us. He revealed himself then."

"Who?"

"Uchiha Itachi."

"He's dead."

"Yeah, she was having trouble believing it too. Seemed to think her mind was messing with her because she'd killed Sasuke."

"Shikamaru, Itachi is dead."

"Unless that was some big-ass genjutsu that none of us could see through, he's not. Sakura trained under Kurenai and Tsunade in genjutsu. Kurobara and Hinto have the sharingan and byakugan, respectively. Suine's nose is better than Kiba's. I'm pretty good at deciphering illusions myself. Unless all five of us were fooled, he's alive."

---

"_Hey, Sakura."_

"_Your dad finally decide to let you in, Ino-pig?"_

"_No. I snuck past him. Pitifully easy. But don't you go getting any ideas, forehead."_

"_I won't."_

"…_Did you really have to kill him, Sakura?"_

"_No. I didn't think about it, Ino. I just did it. You can't imagine… damn it. I wanted him dead. I was fucking livid. I couldn't think straight. There was only this pain in my chest, this gaping hole where my heart should be, and a bloody haze in front of my eyes. All I could think of was making him hurt like I did. I had to make him feel at least a fraction of the sheer agony I was in. He had to pay, and then he had to die."_

---

"Sakura, let us go. We should not linger here any longer. They may send reinforcements."

"Naruto won't. He still thinks he can bring me back somehow. He will not risk alienating me."

"Still, it would not be wise to stay here."

"True that. Let's go, 'Tachi-kun."

"Where do you propose we go?"

"Anywhere but here."

---

**Disclaimer: …Pfft. I can't even draw a respectable stick figure. You do the math.**


	10. flirt

**Fifty**

_In Which Itachi Remembers the Reason He Never Goes to Bars_

**No. 30-** flirt

**Rating: **T- for alcohol use

**Genre: **Humor

**Pairing(s): **implied ItaSaku

**Word Count: **667

**AN**: A ginormus thank you to Cherry-Hime-chan for reviewing once again! Your feedback was much appreciated!

As always, reviews are love.

---

Uchiha Itachi was not unused to finding himself in unusual places. He was, after all, a former S-class criminal, and S-class criminals saw their fair share of odd locations. Bars, however, generally did not welcome notorious sadistic, clan-massacring, brother-torturing psychopaths, and he normally had no reason to imbibe alcohol, so the idea of entering one was completely foreign to him. Orders were orders, though, and the Godaime had emphatically insisted that he go somewhere and get a drink in order to, in her own words, "loosen up and live a little." As far as the prodigy was concerned, he was perfectly relaxed when the occasion required it and all of his vitals were, in fact, functioning properly, but his snide witticisms were lost on the blonde woman. The result? He was doing his best impression of a vampire, lurking suspiciously in the most shadowy corner of Konoha's most popular tavern, holding a drink referred to as a Bloody Mary by the overly helpful barmaid.

The ANBU captain sighed in a long-suffering manner as he observed his foolish little brother and his foolish little friends. Aforementioned younger sibling was currently standing precariously on a table, announcing his eternal devotion to the bottle of sake in his hand, while a shirtless and similarly plastered blond knucklehead was attempting to help a madly giggling medic join him in his quest to ascend to the same table as their teammate. The pink-haired woman in question gave up on this endeavor after falling off the chair she was using as a footstool for the thirteenth time (not that Itachi was counting) and marched over to the bar for her fourth bottle of sake (all right, perhaps he was keeping track.)

Fortunately, the barmaid kindly but firmly denied her request for more alcohol, and the intoxicated woman pouted for a moment before scanning the crowd. Itachi's black (and questionably non-existent) heart sank as her eyes locked on the very corner he was harmlessly skulking in. A light of recognition entered her unfocused eyes and she made a beeline for him.

" 'Tachi-kun!" she cried happily, throwing her arms around the stoic shinobi in a stranglehold. "What brings you here to dish neck o' da woods?"

"Purely business, Sakura-san," he replied stiffly, ignoring her injured-puppy-dog look as he gently removed her arms from around his neck.

"Aw, but you never have any fun!" the green-eyed kunoichi whined, crossing her arms and sticking her lower lip out in a distinctly childish fashion. "C'mon! Live a little!" She gave a large hiccup as she glommed onto his arm again and turned her pleading gaze to his face. "Please, 'Tachi-kun?"

Despite himself, Itachi couldn't hold back a smirk. "Why, Sakura, are you attempting to hit on me?"

Her eyes widened innocently. "Is it working?"

"Not in the least."

She pouted. "Fine then, I'll just go try it on Sasuke-kun." He reacted in exactly the way she had hoped; his entire body stiffened and his eyes flashed at the obviously unwelcome idea of her attacking his foolish little brother in the same manner.

"That will not be necessary," he managed to say in his normal voice. Sakura's eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Well, come on then!" she burst out. "You haven't even touched your drink!"

"I have no desire to consume this questionable concoction, Sakura," Itachi sighed. She blinked.

"Okay then… come back to our table with me," she suggested. "I'm sure Sasuke will be so happy to see you!"

"I highly doubt that. By this time he is probably intoxicated to a level where he may not recognize me."

"Of course he'll recognize you, 'Tachi-kun!" she cried, shocked that he would even suggest such a thing. "You're his nii-san, his gorgeous older brother, former S-class criminal and famed ANBU captain! Who wouldn't recognize you?"

Something about her statement was bothering him, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it. After a moment, it came to him.

"Did you just refer to me as gorgeous?"

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Naruto is not mine. Nor will it ever be. Unless I somehow manage to take over the world... then everything would be mine. o.O But it's not now.**


	11. brick wall

**Fifty**

_In Which Itachi Lies_

**No. 46- **brick wall

**Rating: **K+

**Genre: **Angst

**Pairing(s): **ItaSaku

**Word Count: **197

**A/N**: Sorry guys. You asked for a sequel to 'flirt' and I give you an angsty little thing that has nothing to do with it. X.x Anyways, this acts under the notion that the Uchiha massacre was ordered, but not carried out until Itachi was in his mid-twenties… and he had a relationship with Sakura during that time… unlikely, yes, but this is how it turned out. Cheers.

---

Her reaction was inevitable, it seemed. She raged, she screamed, and she shook. She shouted obscenities, she lashed out with wicked jibes at his character, she fired stricken questions at him faster than he would have been able to answer had he chosen to do so, she begged him to deny his involvement in the massacre with a look that would have destroyed a better man, and she cried. It was the last one that nearly made him change his mind, but he did not allow himself to waver. He took every hit she threw at him in silence, quietly suffering what was quite possibly the most painful experience of his life. He deserved all of it, because he had done what he had sworn never to do. He had broken her heart, and that could never be forgiven.

When she asked him the final question, the one he had answered truthfully over and over again in a happier time, Uchiha Itachi put the last brick in the wall he had carefully erected around his heart and told the filthiest lie he had ever spoken. His Sakura asked him if he loved her. And he said no.

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I wouldn't have to write this disclaimer, now would I?**


	12. baka

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura is Clueless_

**No. 21-** baka (stupid, idiot)

**Rating: **K+- because Evie is paranoid

**Genre: **Romance/General

**Pairing(s): **impliedItaSaku

**Word Count: **334

**AN:** No clue where this came from… maybe talking about relationships in health class? Thanks to RandomChibiDemon-chan and Cherry-Hime-chan for reviewing!

---

"Sakura-chan, would you explain to me why you continue to follow my brother around, even though he has constantly told you he does not care for you?"

Though Sakura could truthfully say that the Uchiha heir was her best male friend, they had their differences and she was well aware of that. While she was a regular chatterbox and semi-professional counselor, Itachi was not a talkative person, nor was he generally inclined to listen to people talk about their feelings, or his own, for that matter. What then, prompted this sudden question, so out of the blue that she was beginning to wonder if he was ill?

Deciding to ignore the disturbing circumstances surrounding the query, Sakura chose to answer as honestly as she could. "Because I love him, Itachi."

"Do you even know what love is?" he inquired carefully.

"Yes…" she said immediately. "Love is that feeling you get whenever you're around a certain person. It's when you're sure that person is perfect, even if they truly aren't. You're always thinking about that person, and go out of your way to be around them."

Had he been anything but a perfect clan heir, he probably would have snorted. "Foolish little girl. You are close to reciting the textbook definition of an infatuation. Infatuation is not love."

Her eyes narrowed. The veiled jibe at the authenticity of her feelings hit a soft spot she hadn't realized she nursed, and thusly she lashed out. "How would you know? You've never been in love!"

Itachi stared at her for a moment as if he hadn't seen anything more ridiculous in his life, and it started to make her uncomfortable. They sat there for several minutes, Sakura squirming under his intense gaze, until she finally coughed and looked away. When she turned back, his eyes had softened a bit and he leaned a bit closer.

"You really are foolish, Sakura." With that he stood, kissed her cheek, and left the room, leaving her well and truly mystified.

**Disclaimer: …Really now, is it necessary to taunt me by forcing this? After all… who would be stupid enough to actually believe I own Naruto?**


	13. hair dryer

**Fifty**

_In Which Naruto is Scarred For Life_

**No. 33-** hair dryer

**Rating: **T- because… just because

**Genre: **Humor/Romance

**Pairing(s): **ItaSaku

**Word Count: **1516

AN: The long awaited sequel-type thing to flirt. Hope it meets your expectations. Thanks to RandomChibiDemon-Chan for reviewing!

---

It was at times like this that Itachi wished he hadn't accepted the Hokage's pardon bargain. Yes, being no longer classified as a criminal was a pleasant change, and yes, the work he did was just as satisfying as what he did while on the run, but these were circumstances he would gladly trade his freedom to escape from.

Haruno Sakura with a hangover was not the ideal situation to wake up to.

Allowing his moronic brother and his similarly dim-witted friends to crash at his flat after they had all had too much to drink had been one of the worst decisions the Uchiha prodigy had ever made. The kunoichi in question was currently complaining loudly to a wincing demon container and a still-unconscious Sasuke, and Itachi wanted no part of it.

"I can't believe you two let me get so drunk!" Sakura screeched into Naruto's ear, drawing a small whimper from the blonde.

"Sakura-chaaaaan-" She smacked him upside the head before he could finish.

"Don't you 'Sakura-chan' me, you idiot! You promised me that you would stop me when I started getting tipsy!"

Itachi took great pride in his shinobi skills. He wasn't an ANBU captain for nothing. His ability to slip out of a room unnoticed was one of his most treasured. So how was it that when he attempted to do just that, Sakura somehow noticed and took the chance to attack him as well?

"And you! You're Sasuke-kun's older brother! You're supposed to be the responsible one!" He responded with one of his trademark silences, and she rolled her eyes dramatically as she flopped down on his couch. "It's a damn good thing that I don't have to work today. I don't have the recipe for my hangover remedy with me, and there's no way I'm going anywhere without it."

Itachi would have frowned had he not given up such expressions. "I do not recall giving you permission to stay in my residence past this morning, Sakura-san."

Her green eyes narrowed, sparking a danger sign in his head. "You mean you plan to kick us out."

"I would prefer that the three of you exit the premises as soon as my foolish little brother wakes up," he replied carefully, not liking the look she was given.

"So you are heartless enough to forcibly remove a pitifully weak kunoichi with a simply devastating hangover from you flat, when you won't even be back until late at night?"

"Essentially? Yes, I suppose so," the older shinobi answered, not showing the slight apprehension he was getting over her expected response. Playing it safe, he added, "But you are definitely not pitifully weak, Sakura-san. I'm sure you've dealt with worse pain than a minor hangover."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. A vein in her forehead began to throb visibly, and Itachi paled even further than normal. Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice, as she was far too busy fuming at him. Out of nowhere, Sakura moved to stand directly in front of him, grab his collar, and pull his head down to her eye level, forcing him to stare directly into her outraged face.

Now, generally, the Uchiha would have simply Mangekyo'd the hell out of the fool who dared put him in such an embarrassing position, but this was Sakura- Konoha's sweetheart, feminine influence of Team Seven, apprentice of the Godaime Hokage, and famed kunoichi in her own right- so he didn't dare do such terrible things. Thus, he simply settled for meeting her terrifying gaze as calmly as if she were not currently three inches away from him and looking as though she wished to decapitate him.

Naruto was watching from the corner of the room, mouth hanging open in a way that could only be described as flabbergasted. Sakura took no notice, and started to speak in a low voice. "Look, Uchiha," she growled. "I'm hung-over, exhausted, and it's that time of month. I'm staying here until you get back here, which I'm guessing will be after sundown, get it?"

He simply blinked at her. "And how would you know when I will be returning, Sakura-san?"

She opened her mouth to speak, then apparently thought better of it as she blushed and shut it. Itachi smirked, which only served to fluster her more.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked anxiously, as he couldn't see her face from where he was standing. His expression changed quickly, setting into a look of intense dislike as he looked at Itachi. "What did you do to her, bastard?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "I have done nothing to Sakura-san, Naruto-kun. In case you did not realize, she is the one accosting me."

The pink-haired medic was now a deep magenta, struggling to find the right words. "Y…You sh-shut up, Uchiha!"

---

Damn him. Damn him and his stupid (pretty) hair and stupid (pretty) eyes and stupid (pretty) face! Kami, words couldn't describe the frustration she was experiencing at the moment.

As his smirk deepened, Sakura wanted to do one of two things. She wanted to either a) wipe the stupid (pretty) smirk off his stupid (pretty) face, or b) stare at him like this all day. At Naruto's outburst, she decided on the former. But how to do it? Her body was not cooperating (damn hormones and hangover and exhaustion and cramps), and it was too nice to spoil by making it indifferent again. So how?

"Sakura-san, do you plan on releasing me in the near future, or shall I send a message to the Hokage explaining that her student is unavoidably detaining me?"

"Unavoidably detaining," she replied without thinking, then immediately regretted it. If it was possible, Itachi looked even smugger. Suddenly, she figured out how to get rid of the smirk.

---

She _kissed _him. The whole room was in shock, including Sakura, but none more so than her victim. Itachi's normally impassive eyes widened drastically, but unfortunately for the poor onlooker (Naruto), the Uchiha responded in kind. As a result, a thoroughly rested Uchiha Sasuke woke to the heart attack-inducing sight of his older brother engaged in a full-scale make-out session with his sole female teammate.

When he looked around to Naruto, the blonde was curled up in a ball on the floor, whimpering. With a frown, he steeled himself to break it up. Taking a deep breath, he let loose a loud "Oi!" When neither responded, he turned back to his other best friend.

"Good morning, sunshine," he said pointedly, snapping the kyuubi vessel out of his stupor.

"Ah! Teme, we've gotta stop them!"

"We need to leave for the mission in five minutes," he replied without batting an eye. Naruto seemed even more panicked.

"But Sasuke-teme, if we leave them alone, your bastard brother could do some Very Bad Things ™ to our Sakura-chan while we're gone!" the blonde protested. "Would you want to come back knowing that we left our innocent cherry blossom in that hands of that- that, that- that _him_?"

Sasuke shuddered. The happy couple had momentarily paused their activities to observe the highly amusing conversation, a fact that the two others noted only after it was over.

"Augh! Get your hands off our Sakura-chan, you creep!" Naruto belted instantly. "Where do you get off kissing her?" Itachi smirked again, and to the blonde's horror, Sakura mirrored the expression. It was difficult to say which face it looked scariest on; Itachi's, where it looked most at home, or Sakura's where it was unnatural. The knucklehead decided to go with Sakura. Heaven forbid she read his mind and fear she was losing her touch.

Itachi's voice was low as he replied. "On the contrary, Naruto-kun. Sakura kissed _me_." She reddened at this and let out a squeak, burying her head in his chest, then let out another and jumped back as she realized what she was doing.

Sasuke poked Naruto in the side. "C'mon, dobe. My nii-san knows not to do anything…" here he gave his brother a look, then turned to Sakura. "Remember, if he does do anything, the hair-dryer is in your travel pack, under your coat." He pointed.

"Hair-dryer?" Naruto asked, puzzled.

Sasuke's eye twitched as he turned back to Naruto. "The one I got her for her birthday last year, the one that doubles as a weapon, complete with pepper spray, dobe."

"Oh."

"Um, thanks, guys?" she tried, though it came out as more of a question than an expression of gratitude. Sasuke nodded curtly before heading for the door.

Naruto frowned. "So we're really just gonna leave them here?"

"Yep."

Itachi was almost smiling now, and it was really freaking the fox-boy out. "Don't worry, Naruto-kun. Your Sakura-chan is safe with me."

"That's what I'm worried about," he muttered as he reluctantly trudged out the door, shutting it behind him. A high-pitched shriek of laughter reached his ears as soon as he did. Sasuke twitched.

---

And they lived happily ever after, mostly.

The end. Um, yeah…

**Disclaimer: Evie owns not. Kishimoto is god of Naruto. Okey?**


	14. panic button

**Fifty**

_In Which Itachi is Suspicious_

**No. 42- **panic button

**Rating: **K+

**Genre: **Humor

**Pairing(s): **ItaSaku

**Word Count: **542

AN: Feel free to throw various pointy things at me for not updating for so long… and before anyone asks, there will definitely be a sequel to this one. :)

--

Uchiha Itachi was a mistrustful man by nature, and as a shinobi, that trait was amplified to a degree that some- like Sakura- might call paranoia. Most of the time, he found that it was a very good thing. At the moment, however, it was not. As Sakura followed Naruto and Sasuke in to the Uchiha family home uncannily happy after a day at a funeral, he felt he had the right to be wary, but she obviously disagreed, claiming that he was giving her _that_ look, whatever that meant.

"I can't be just happy once in a while?" the pink-haired teen asked in what he was almost sure was a mocking manner. He could not be positive, so he decided to take the safe route.

"I was simply observing that for having just attended a funeral, you seem quite cheerful," Itachi replied carefully. "Has anything happened that I should be aware of?"

A fox-like grin spread across her features, an expression that struck fear in the hearts of even the bravest of men, including the Sixth Hokage. The Uchiha prodigy mentally winced, wondering exactly what he had said wrong.

"Oh, not much, 'Tachi-kun," she answered sweetly, the endearment automatically triggering a warning bell in her victim's mind. "I just signed up for a dance competition, and happen to need a partner."

Itachi blanched. "Have you spoken with Naruto-kun or my brother? I am sure that they would prefer that one of them take the position."

"I have," Sakura replied with a shrug. "Sasuke won't do it and Naruto's signed up with Ino."

His possibilities for escape were shrinking, but he managed to keep his voice level. "Perhaps Hyuuga-san, or Maito-san's apprentice would be willing."

The younger girl made a face. "Neji's got a stick up his ass that I think only Tenten would be willing to dig out, and Lee… um, let's not go there."

This situation was nearly bad enough to make Itachi bite his lip, a habit he'd given up at the age of seven when his father told him that it gave his apprehension away. "Can you think of no one else?" he asked, waiting painfully for her response.

"Oh yes," the medic said enthusiastically, putting one index finger in the air. "I thought about asking Genma, but he's such a perv that I wouldn't trust him and his hands within two feet of my ass. Kotetsu is nice and all, but I think he and Iwashi might have something going on, if you know what I mean… of course, Kakashi is always an option, but he was my sensei…" The face she made then was so pathetic that it would have made Fugaku cry, if it hadn't been so blatantly faked.

"I am sorry to hear that," Itachi responded, actually meaning it. The mischievous returned to her green eyes and she jumped up.

"I know!" she cried triumphantly. "You can be my partner, 'Tachi-kun!"

"I do not dance, Sakura," he said firmly. Her eyes widened.

"Oh, it's okay if you don't know how! I know a great dance instructor. She got me ready for last year's in less than two weeks! It'll be fun, I promise."

Of course, like a good Uchiha, he simply answered, "Hn."

**Disclaimer: Yeah, no.**


	15. thunderstorm

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura is Being Ridiculous_

**No. 10-** _thunderstorm_

**Rating: **K

**Genre: **Humor

**Pairing(s): **impliedItaSaku

**Word Count: **654

AN: Not the promised sequel to panic button, but another humor-shot all the same. Thanks to the lovely Lady Massacre and RandomChibiDemon-Chan for reviewing last chapter!

--

There was one thing that Haruno Sakura feared more than she feared Uchiha Itachi, and that thing would be thunderstorms.

Yes, he was a legendary S-class criminal and generally considered to be a sadistic psychopath, and yes, he could snap her spine with one twitch or send her to the terrifying underworld of her worst nightmares if she even met his eyes, but none of that compared to the raw panic that overcame her at the first sign of a dark cloud. The first roll of thunder sent her into hysterics, and the first flash of lightning left her screaming under the bed. This is how Uchiha Itachi came to be peering underneath a pink-draped four-poster, a look of intense exasperation carved on to his face.

"Sakura, come out from there."

"No!" the petrified medic shouted instantly, shrieking shrilly as a particularly loud crash echoed across the countryside. The Uchiha winced at the volume before giving a long-suffering sigh.

"Sakura, do you wish for me to crawl underneath the bed and immobilize you to a point where I am able to drag you out myself?"

Green orbs met coal black. "You wouldn't." He simply blinked as his irises began to bleed red and his pupils split, and she closed her eyes stubbornly. "You bastard."

"On the contrary, Sakura, my parents were lawfully wedded a full three years before I was conceived," he deadpanned. Seemingly against her will, a snort-slash-giggle escaped her throat, but she was determined not to open her eyes again.

A cold hand brushed her left arm and on reflex she gasped, her eyes flying wide against her will. Her eyes met his, and she growled.

This is the scene Hoshigaki Kisame came upon as he innocently entered the room belonging to Akatsuki's beloved medic with the intention of asking her to fix up a rather large gash wound he'd obtained attempting to make dinner. If Itachi hadn't been so scary, he might have laughed. The Uchiha made quite a spectacle, sprawled out on the floor with his top half completely hidden by the ridiculously pink coverlet. Sakura was nowhere to be found.

"Itachi-san?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes, Kisame-san?" came the slightly muffled voice.

"Oh good, she didn't kill you. Is Sakura-chan under there?"

"Yes, yes I am!" she said sharply. "And I'm not coming out."

"Yes, you are," Itachi replied simply. "What is it you require, Kisame-san?"

"I cut my hand chopping up the chicken."

Silence.

"Is this some sort of genjutsu you've cooked up to persuade me to come out, Itachi?" A heavy sigh escaped the Uchiha in question.

"No, Sakura. Kisame-san requires your assistance. It would be against your contract to leave him injured."

"Not if it's his own stupid fault," she muttered darkly. "And not if it endangers my own life."

Kisame was sure that if Itachi were prone to such things, there would be a frustrated tick seizing his eyebrow. "Your life is in no danger, Sakura," the dark-haired man stressed. "You are perfectly safe inside these walls."

She snorted. "Oh yes, I'm completely safe with nine other S-class criminals occupying the same space."

"Indeed. If there were any danger to your life, we would not be here. We S-class criminals have a tendency to avoid places that could possibly be hazardous to our health. Self-preservation instincts do seem to be enhanced when you are living out on your own."

Sakura frowned, his flawless logic leaving her stumped. "You suck."

"Perhaps I do. In any case, I believe it is long past time for you to emerge. I am sure you are not fond of having Kisame's blood staining your pristine carpet a lovely shade of blue."

"WHAT?" A pink blur shot out from underneath the bed, practically tackling the blue-skinned ninja out of the room, and medic-Sakura took over. Uchiha Itachi quickly extracted himself from under the bed, brushed off his cloak, and followed.

**Disclaimer: Um… if I owned Naruto, this would not be necessary.**


	16. Hokage

**Fifty**

_In Which the Worst is Over_

**No. 08-** Hokage

**Rating: **K+

**Genre: **General

**Pairing(s): **impliedItaSaku

**Word Count: **345

**AN:** Sorry about the late update, but here's the latest installment. Heavily inspired by 'Our Lady of Sorrows' by My Chemical Romance and 'Peace' by Apocalyptica.

A shout-out to MarzSpy for reviewing a ton of chapters in a row, all in the same day, RozenMaiden14 for taking the time to go back and review chapter one, and to Lady Massacre, oi-ninja, i like being a nerd, and RandomChibiDemon-Chan for reviewing chapter 15!

--

"Stand up." The order was soft, but firm. She was shaking in her seat, though she could see nothing of the mass of her former peers below. Their new master's eyes never stopped sweeping the crowd for any threat, but she knew that if he could be watching her without alerting the people of his distraction, he would be.

"No, I can't," she whispered frantically. "They'll see me, they'll know who I am."

"Stand up, girl." His tone never changed.

"They'll recognize me, Itachi!"

At last, an edge entered his voice. "I said stand up. Let them see you. It does not matter."

Her panic rose up in her throat. "They'll know I never died, they'll call me a traitor!"

"We are all traitors, Sakura. Every last one of us. The nations knew that, and they chose to make us their leaders in spite of it. Now, take my hand, get to your feet, and let Konohagakure see the one they will call their queen."

"I can't, oh God, I can't!"

"You can, and you will. _Stand up_." At the last words, Sakura finally did as she was told, rising to her feet. She gripped Itachi's hand tightly as she used her other to pull back her hood. An audible gasp rose from the crowd below, and soon, a roar of indecipherable noise erupted. The kunoichi could not tell whether it was approval or disgust, but she found it did not matter, just like he had told her.

Standing at the side of the newly crowned Seventh Hokage, staring out over the village only to have her gaze lock on the sixth face on the mountain monument, Haruno Sakura felt a strange sense of content settle over her. Yes, she was content, because even though the ascension of the man next to her meant that the entire continent was under Akatsuki's absolute control, she was beginning to believe that Pein's ideals had some worth in the end.

After all, peace had been restored, though the methods had been unconventional, and she couldn't ask for anything more.

**La Clause de Non-Responsabilité: Um, non, non, je ne possède pas Naruto.**

_**TRANSLATION: Evie's taking French next year. Oh, and she doesn't own Naruto.**_


	17. inner demons

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura Has Fallen_

**No. 04-** inner demons

**Rating: **T- for dark themes, drugs, alcohol.

**Genre: **Angst

**Pairing(s): **impliedItaSaku

**Word Count: **590

AN: Here be another angsty shot from Evie. Thanks to Lady Massacre, RandomChibiDemon-chan, and MarzSpy for reviewing once again.

--

She was crying for them again. Why was she crying? She had to get smashed, wasted, to become so intoxicated that she couldn't remember her own name, to drown the pain with the poison her mentor so loved. She needed to drink and drink and drink until her liver couldn't take it, pop the pills until her brain crashed, chug her hazardous concoctions until she collapsed from her body's utter inability to process the chemicals she was pumping into it like her life depended on it. Three shots of vodka dumped into a caffeine-loaded energy drink, a mixed bottle of OxyContin and Vicodin ready for consumption, and a month's supply of anti-depressant pills she'd snagged from the hospital's pharmacy lay on the table next to eight empty beer cans, a half-full bottle of sake, and an empty wine glass. Sakura snorted at the array of materials that would spell certain death to a civilian, and wondered wryly if she'd survive it this time.

This was how Itachi found her, her insane mirth sending a shudder up his spine as she continued to methodically down the drugs. One sip of her deadly potion, three colorful pills followed by another drink. For a moment, he couldn't move, but an instant later, he'd swept the prescriptions from the table and the drink from her hand and pinned her to the back of the couch.

"What are you doing?" he demanded in a harsh whisper. "You are going to kill yourself!"

She smiled drowsily at him. "Haven't yet, and God knows I've tried."

His eyes narrowed. "You've done what?"

"Oh, never directly of course," she said airily, snatching her can from his unsuspecting hand and taking a giant swig with impossibly good motor skills for someone of her intoxication level. He quickly took it back and set it outside of her range. "I've tried everything out there to kill it, but it just won't die. I drink until I wake up in a pool of my own vomit and blood, but it's still there. I take seven different painkillers with a shot of vodka and pass out, ignorant to the world, but it comes back as soon as I come around. I pop enough sleep aids to kill a civilian, but I'm back only a day later. I just want to sleep and never, ever wake up."

"What are you trying to achieve by this?" he asked, his voice deceptively calm. "What is it you need to keep away so badly?"

"Everyone precious to me has left me behind. They're all dead, missing, or unable to communicate with the waking world. Naruto is a vegetable, Sasuke is gone, Kakashi-sensei is gone, Ino went MIA a month ago, Shikamaru escaped to Suna, Choji is gone, Kiba is gone, Shino is gone, Hinata is comatose, Neji won't speak, Tenten is gone, Lee is gone, Shizune is gone, Jiraya is gone, shishou is gone, gone gone gone…" With each word her voice grew more despairing until her chilling laughter filled the air again.

"You're all I have left, 'Tachi-kun, and you're not going to be much longer," she said tonelessly, all the emotion drained from her tirade. "You shouldn't be alive anyways. We're all gonna die, and I don't wanna be the last one here. I don't wanna be the last one. I don't wanna stay and face the demons, Itachi. I can't. Not alone."

"We are not alone. Never."

"Maybe the dead are still with us, 'Tachi-kun, but the dead can't fight away the devil."

**Disclaimer: Evie don't own Naruto, and she absolutely does NOT condone the illegal use of drugs or alcohol. Thank you very much.**


	18. cabbage patch

**Fifty**

_In Which Everyone is Dead_

**No. 23- cabbage patch**

**Rating: **T – for Hidan's dirty mouth

**Genre: **Humor

**Pairing(s): **impliedItaSaku

**Word Count: **996

**AN:** -peeks out from behind bomb-shelter door- Well, it's been about a month, hasn't it? –dodges tomato thrown by angry reader- Well… here it is!

Thanks again to RandomChibiDemon-Chan, MarzSpy, Lady Massacre, and BlackButterfly-RedRose for reviewing!

--

They say that there is a special space in hell for traitors and murderers. The Akatsuki, however, were apparently in their own special category.

Obviously, Sasori found this out first, since he had the pleasure of being the first member to die. When the puppet master entered the afterlife (which was extremely similar to the Underworld of Greek mythology) he was sent to stand in what appeared to be a cabbage patch with a ton of other deceased shinobi, in a clearly marked off corner labeled 'Akatsuki.' Unfortunately for him, Chiyo-baa had free reign of these fields. The old bag would never shut up about beating the hell out of him with Sakura and sacrificing her own life to make his efforts to kill the Godaime Kazekage pointless, much to his dismay and the amusement of those around him.

Kakuzu was the next to arrive, though he was not much company. All he did was moan about the passage fee, which Sasori suspected was a personal torture just for the bounty hunter, seeing as the puppeteer himself had not had to pay. With much coaxing from an extremely bored ex-seven-tails, who was apparently a former colleague of the masked missing-nin, the story of how his demise came about was revealed. Once the laughing stopped, everything was utterly boring again.

Not surprisingly, Deidara came after Kakuzu, muttering about stupid Uchiha bastards who didn't understand art. After further investigation on Sasori's part, the truth came out. It was not Itachi who had finally snapped and killed the blond, though Kami knew he had probably been close to it once or twice, but his foolish little brother. Again, there was much hysteria at the circumstances of the former Akatsuki's death.

Everyone was shocked when the elder Uchiha himself joined them. Despite much effort on the part of Deidara and Itachi's various victims, the weasel refused to explain exactly how his demise had occurred. Instead he chose to claim a corner of the Akatsuki corner as his own and stay silent for the next several years.

By the time Hidan's body finally rotted for good and his soul drifted down, Zetsu, Pein, and Konan had been sent to the Akatsuki's tiny plot of land. Several village ninja made it a habit to come by and sneer at them every once in a while, including every single Jinchuuriki they'd taken down. Kisame was the last to appear, and with him he brought the most wonderful news they'd heard in a long time.

"Tobi's not gonna be joining us!"

"What?"

"Why not? Not that I'm complaining, un. Oh God, don't tell me he actually was a good boy!"

"Nah, he was actually a really, really bad guy. Uchiha Madara in disguise. Too bad for him, they left his fate up to a cranky Tsunade-hime, some guy named Solomon or something who looked like he was about to jump her, and the Kyuubi." Everyone winced at the thought.

"What did they do to him, un?"

Kisame shuddered as delicately as a seven-foot-tall shark-man can. "First they poked out his precious Mangekyo, cut off all his fingers, dipped him in a cup of boiling ramen, and made him eat it… he's currently running naked through the thorn pits of Tartarus. And they said it was only gonna get worse."

Deidara was positively green. "Ew, un."

"But hey, they said we'd be getting a special visitor soon. I wonder who that'll-"

At that very moment, there was a whirlwind of cherry blossoms, a mildly high-pitched war cry, and the appearance of the one and only Haruno Sakura, in full ANBU regalia. "CHA, BITCHES!" she screamed, before looking around. An evil smirk took over her face as she recognized her companions.

"Jashin save us," Hidan murmured, still refusing to believe that this was, in fact, the afterlife.

"Hello, Akatsuki!" Sakura sang, skipping to lean over the fence. "I'm Haruno Sakura, and I'll be here to torture you for the rest of eternity!"

Deidara took a step back. "You're one of the good guys, right, un? Don't only bad people get stuck torturing other bad guys?"

"Nope!" she chirped. "This is my version of heaven! I get to poke and tease and drive you guys batshit crazy for as long as I want, and when I get bored I can do something else. The best part is, you'll never know when I'm coming back!" She beamed. "Oh, and Itachi, your purgatory's over now," she added, glancing at the Uchiha's glowering form.

"WHAT?" the rest of Akatsuki bellowed in unison as Itachi emerged from the corner and hopped the fence to stand at the pinkette's side. Sakura grinned wider and patted Itachi's shoulder.

" 'Tachi-kun was a good guy all along, and there's a reeeeeally long story, but I doubt you want to hear it, so basically, he was good, but did bad enough stuff that he had to wait for me to die until he could go to heaven," she blurted in one breath. Seven pairs of eyes blinked at her, and she sighed. "He gets to help me torture you and then we can go happily skipping off to the islands of Bliss and stuff. Because he's awesome like that."

"Aw, that's no fair, un!" SMACK!

"Shut up!" Sakura commanded gleefully, having uprooted a particularly floppy piece of cabbage and delightedly slapped the blond bomber with it. "Life's not fair, Deidei-kun!"

"We're all dead, un." SMACK!

"Don't be a smartass."

"You definitely have one, Pinky." SMACK!

"OW! What was that for, un? Kisame said it, not me!"

"…I apologize, Deidei-kun."

"Don't call me that, un!" SMACK!

"I can call you whatever I want to!"

…SMACK!

"Crazy bitch! What did I do?"

"You were there, Hidan."

"How the fuck do you know my name?" SMACK!

"Language!"

Pein buried his head in his hands as the tiny pink-haired kunoichi continued to abuse his former subordinates while a smug Itachi looked on. So _this_ was hell.

**Disclaimer Dance Time! Evie doesn't own, cha cha cha, Naruto, oh ho!, cha cha cha...**


	19. cathedral

**Fifty**

_In Which Sasuke Learns the Truth_

**No. 22- **cathedral

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **Drama/Supernatural/Spiritual

**Pairing(s): **impliedItaSaku

**Word Count: **810

**AN**: This one started as two entirely different ideas, both so short and seemingly incomplete that they fit perfectly together. One scene was Sasuke, haunted by a peaceful ghost who just wants him to forgive. The other was simply an image I got in my head: Sasuke, in full Shippuden garb, sitting in a pew in a majestic Catholic church, angsting. By itself, the second seems almost funny when I look back at it, but when I wrote it, humor was the farthest thing from my mind. So... enjoy!

I know this is kinda Sasuke-centric, but it has lots of mention of ItaSaku. No Sasuke-hating in the reviews, please. I luuuuurve both my Uchihas.

Thanks to the lurvely CrAzYaNiMeFrEaKgUrL, Lady Massacre, rebellious-and-ditzy-bookworm, RozenMaiden14, and MarzSpy for reviewing last chapter!

--

Uchiha Sasuke did not make it a habit to enter places of worship. He believed in what he could see, hear, or sense with chakra. So why was he here, in this extravagant building honoring some god worshipped by foreigners? He didn't have an answer for that, but what _did_ he have the answers to? Nothing. He never did.

Even so, this empty cathedral did have a feeling of near-sanctity, something the dark-haired man had only felt in a few places before now: his brother's room as a child, the black memorial stone in Konoha, and Sakura's gravesite. He clenched his fists at the last thought and viciously ripped it from his mind. Walking up the aisle towards the pulpit, he took a look around.

The décor was not exactly welcoming; the faces on the windows and statues were often twisted in pain or sorrow or anger, with most figures enshrined in bright light that made them seem untouchable. One portrait, however, was different. A little girl was smiling as she looked up into the kind face of a young woman. The woman, like most of the other painted people, bore a halo, but for some reason, it fit her better than the others. He found himself wandering over to examine the piece more closely, before sitting down under it, staring up at the window behind the choir stands.

A sudden breeze stirred around him, and his eyes narrowed, sharingan automatically searching for the source. To his puzzlement, there was none. There was not even a hint of a chakra signature to alert him to the presence of a shinobi creating it. A soft light began to glimmer to his right, and before his eyes an achingly familiar form began to take shape. _Sakura_.

He cursed mentally as it turned to face him, just as it had done so many times before. A small part of him had hoped she could not appear in a place regarded as holy, but the other pointed out that a pure soul such as hers would likely be welcomed here. The two regarded each other for a moment before he spoke to it for the first time.

"Why won't you go on? Why can't you leave me in peace?" The words he'd wanted to scream for so long came out as a quiet whimper, leading him to wish he had done as he had before and ignored her.

Her ghostly hand caressed his cheek and her cold, dead eyes glowed with something resembling the warmth she carried in life. "Because if I were to go, you could never find it, except in his death, Sasuke-kun. I cannot bear to let that happen."

"You loved him," he accused. "You loved him and you let him kill you." She smiled sadly.

"Of course," she said softly. "How long did you know?"

His eyes narrowed. "The moment you jumped between my sword and his chest, I knew it wasn't me you were trying to protect by stopping the fight. Tell me, how did it feel to know he didn't care enough to spare you?"

Her eyes remained gentle. "If anything, he cared enough not to spare me, Sasuke-kun. He knew I never wanted to see either of you die at the other's hand. I had hoped that my death would grieve you both enough for a reconciliation, but… I should have known better." He reached to remove her freezing digits from his face, but realized with slight horror that his own fingers sank right through.

"Why did you come to me, then, if you loved him so much?" he spat. Her smile grew faintly wistful.

"I loved you too, Sasuke-kun, and you need this more than he does." His eyes widened as she placed a small kiss on his forehead. "Consider this my last request, Sasuke," she finished serenely. "Live. Love. Be content. Forgive him."

"How can I forgive him, Sakura?" he demanded. "He's taken everything from me!" She shook her head, then leaned in to cup his ear in one hand.

And she told him everything. The truth behind the massacre, everything Itachi had given to keep him safe, and her own relationship with the elder Uchiha. Who was really responsible for his family's death, why his brother had tormented him so, what she had done to make sure Itachi's sacrifice was not in vain. When she finished, he was openly staring at her, and she sighed.

"My last request, Sasuke-kun," she whispered as the unnatural breeze began to pick up once again. "Please."

"Wait!" he called. "You can't go yet! What about-"

Her image began to fade. "Remember, Sasuke-kun. Live and love. Be content. Forgive him. For me." With that, she was gone, leaving him alone with the forbidding stained glass windows, the unforgiving stone statues, and the single soft-faced portrait.

**Disclaimer: …Seriously. Why do I have to do this every chapter? Oh yeah, because I don't own Naruto and the people who do feel the need to rub it in.**


	20. springtime of youth

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura Feels Like a Slut_

**No. 20- **springtime of youth

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **Humor

**Pairing(s): **ItaSaku

**Word Count: **2160

**AN**: Mini-rant time (_**skip unless you find my fangirlish insanity amusing**_): WHY does everyone hate my Sasuke-kun? WHY? Okay, so he was a total jerk the whole time he was in Konoha, betrayed the village to get power from Orochimaru, nearly killed Naruto twice, beat up a bunch of people, killed Itachi, and is now allied with Akatsuki and attempting to destroy Konoha, but… T_T* Okay, I see why people hate him. I guess I'm just a sucker for total jerks. X.x WAIT! He killed Orochimaru! A point for him! …And seven million against him… dammit. –emo corner-

On another note: Don't kill me for what I've done to poor Itachi-kun, okay? Blame Kisame and Deidara. Yeah… blame the shark-man and the suicide bomber. Not the authoress who worked so hard to give you a nice, long, funny one-shot. OOOH. This is the longest chapter yet, AND the 20th! Let's have a review party! –hint hint-

Thanks to the lurvely SundayMess for reviewing chapter nine, and rebellious-and-ditzy-bookworm, MarzSpy, RandomChibiDemon-chan, and Lady Massacre for reviewing last chapter!

--

There were many things Uchiha Itachi was positive would never happen to him. One of said things was being forced into celebrating his twenty-first birthday with two other S-class criminals. He had anticipated spending the day of June ninth holed up in his room, watching the rain and reflecting upon his imminent demise and subsequent redemption at the hands of his little brother. It always rains on his birthday, no matter what the weather has been the previous day, thus his plans should not be disrupted.

Thus, when Kisame and Deidara announce that they will be dragging him all the way into the heart of Fire country just so they could force him to buy an alcoholic beverage at their favorite bar, the dark-haired shinobi is not pleased. At first, he adamantly refuses to accompany them. Kisame, however, seems to have expected such a reaction, as he produces a rather incriminating scrap of blackmail. Deciding that he can deal with the unnecessary celebration as opposed to allowing said information to be leaked, Itachi grudgingly allows the two imbeciles to lead him to their preferred drinking establishment.

All his efforts to keep his little secret to himself are not enough once the shark-man has imbibed copious amounts of alcohol.

"What do you mean Itachi's never had a woman?!?"

"Just what I said!" Kisame slurs. "The boy's been an S-class missing-nin for eight years, and he still hasn't got himself a bitch!"

Deidara turns to Itachi. "You're seriously a virgin, un?" The Uchiha scowls.

"No."

"So Kisame's lying to me, is he?"

"No, he is not."

"So let me get this straight: you're not a virgin, but you've never had a woman? How does that- oh." The blond eyes him suspiciously. "You swing the other way then, un?"

"No."

"…I'm drunk, okay! Don't be confusing, un! Just spit it out!"

"I'll tell him, 'Tachi m'boy!" the swordsman drawls happily. "It was seven years ago to this day…"

"_Hey Itachi, why don't you let me take you out for your fourteenth birthday? After all, it wouldn't be nice of me at all to ignore one of the most important days in your life!"_

"_Why of course you may, Kisame! You're so thoughtful and kind, I'm sure glad I got you as my partner-"_

"That is not what happened."

Kisame sighs. "Fine… here's how it really went…"

"_Itachi, it's your fourteenth birthday."_

"_Your observation skills are marvelous, as usual."_

"_Ha, ha. But seriously, it's your birthday. What are we going to do?"_

"We _are going to do nothing. _I _will spend the day alone, and _you _will take advantage of this in order to further destroy your liver with enough alcohol to marinate a civilian."_

"_No way, kid. You're coming with me. It's time to make you a man."_

"And so, the shark dragged the weasel to a bar (and how the underage weasel got in is still unknown, as the shark most definitely did not knock the bouncer out with a suspiciously large sword), not realizing in his already inebriated state that it was in fact a gay bar. The shark then proceeded to become even more drunk and somehow managed to persuade said weasel to drink himself into a similarly intoxicated state, before ditching him at aforementioned gay bar, resulting in the weasel waking up in a hotel with an aching ass and a hefty bill to pay," the sharp-toothed shinobi finishes dramatically. If looks could kill, Kisame would be sushi, and Pein would be going through hell trying to recruit a new partner for Itachi.

"That's it? That's the only fucking you've ever done?" Deidara bursts out, disbelief evident on every square millimeter of his face. "Dude. You need to get laid, un. There are plenty of whores around this place. Your manhood is on the line here."

"I do not need to hire a prostitute, Deidara," Itachi insists. The art fanatic shakes his head.

"You're not in the right state of mind for this talk, un," he decides, waving the bartender over. "Hey, bring my friend here the strongest shit you got! Real tight-ass, needs a good lay, see?" The young man behind the counter nods significantly.

"I know the type," he says sympathetically. "I'll be right back." Itachi's Ultimate Super Duper Ginormus Mongo Death Glare of Doooooom ™ goes unnoticed by his oblivious 'helpers,' and Deidara turns to him with a wide smirk.

"You're in luck, un," the younger missing-nin says conspiringly. "A walking strip club just walked in. Check out the skinny one with pink hair. She's gotta be a hooker, what with that dye job and that practically illegal skirt, un. Oooh look, they're coming over to the bar. Send her a drink!"

To Deidara's delight, Itachi does turn around, but not for the reasons the other assumes. The description matches that of a kunoichi they should have both recognized immediately, seeing as she'd taken out one of their own, but Deidara is apparently intoxicated to the point where he cannot identify his partner's slayer. A brilliant plan hatches in the Uchiha prodigy's mind, and he gives no warning as he stands up and walks in the general direction of the women, ignoring the drink that has just arrived at his seat. The blond Akatsuki whoops drunkenly, (not-so-) discreetly exchanging hi-fives with Kisame, and sits back to watch the show.

--

It is common knowledge that Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino have a strange relationship. Half of the time, they are best friends. They do everything together, share secrets, paint each other's nails, etc. The other half of the time, they hate each other.

At the moment, Sakura hates Ino.

Why does she hate Ino, you ask?

Because it is Ino's fault she is currently sitting in the dingiest, ugliest, worst-reputed club in the whole of Fire country with a drunken Tenten, a buzzed Temari, an unconscious Hinata, and the pig herself, who has reached a level of intoxication that should be impossible to attain during the short time they have been here, wearing a far-too-small halter top that barely contains her cleavage, a miniskirt that she is certain shows her panties to anyone sitting behind her, and a pair of patent leather hooker boots. Not to mention that they are all underage (with the exception of Temari) and attracting mostly unwanted attention from the patrons of the bar, including a male Ino look-alike. Said look-alike is currently giggling uncontrollably as he loudly tells one of his drinking partners he needs to get laid.

To Sakura's horror, Ino is blatantly checking her clone out, winking and raising her glass, to which the other blond responds with a blown kiss. The tall man beside him is bawling with roaring laughter, but the third has disappeared. Frowning, Sakura turns to the empty seat beside her, only to see that it is no longer empty. For a moment, her heart stops.

_Dark hair pale skin dark eyes great bod Sas_- She blinks.

No. Not Sasuke. _Itachi_. She's not sure which would have been worse.

A small smirk graces his handsome features at her shocked visage, and she blushes. Inner Sakura is currently melting in a puddle of alcohol- and hot guy-induced goo. Wait. _Hot?_

He's not supposed to be hot. He's supposed to be evil and crazy and sadistic and other adjectives indicative of a clan-murdering psychopath. Not hot. But god_damn_ is he one sexy hunk of man-meat. Inner Sakura winces at the Ino-ism she just used. All thought vanishes when he speaks and Inner Sakura returns to her puddle of goo.

"I have a… business proposal I wish to speak with you about," comes the velvety baritone, and Sakura doesn't even realize what he says until about ten seconds after he finishes. The goo vanishes, and Inner Sakura has transformed into her normal raging self.

_**He did **__not __**just imply that we're a whore!**_ the doppelganger screeches, and Sakura is inclined to agree with her for once.

"I'm not a prostitute," she grinds out, avoiding his gaze.

"I am aware of that, kunoichi," the voice replies silkily. "I simply seek to put in a request for a… personal mission."

Inner Sakura is about ready to pound him. "Sorry, if you want to commission one, you'll have to see Konoha's offices. But I highly doubt you'd be very welcome there, Uchiha-san."

Itachi raises an eyebrow. "So you do recognize me."

Sakura scoffs. "Any Leaf nin worth their salt would. You're only the most infamous missing-nin to come out of my village since Orochimaru," she finishes, venom dripping from every word.

"Then you understand the severity of the situation should you deny my request, ne, Haruno-san?" She glares at him.

"I happen to be here with a group of the Hidden Leaf's top kunoichi and the Kazekage's sister. If you tried anything, they'd all be on your ass before you could say 'sake.' We kunoichi tend to stick together."

The damn smirk is back again, and Inner has had another change of heart. She is currently concocting several embarrassingly explicit fantasies that Sakura would be blushing at if not for the fact that he happens to be talking again and she is listening intently. "Your blonde friend seems very… enthusiastic about the fact that you are speaking with me. And as I have said, I have no intention of hiring you for any sexual favors."

"Well, then, what the hell do you want?" she explodes, frustration at both the man in front of her and the second person in her head venting into the one short sentence.

"Deidara is under the impression that I am in desperate need of engaging in certain physical activities tonight. I disagree. Therefore, I am hiring you to act as though you are indeed my whore for the night. We shall leave this questionable facility, I will escort you to wherever you intend to stay for the night, and then I will leave. Nothing more."

Sakura crosses her arms. "And if I refuse?" His eyes flash irritably.

"You would be unwise to do so, Haruno-san." The kunoichi frowns again, not replying. He leans in closer, smirking at the sound of her breath catching at his proximity, and continues, "I would rather not threaten you, Sakura. Am I really so undesirable that the thought of even pretending to go home with me is sickening?"

"Of course not," she mutters without thinking, then blanches as Inner Sakura begins to elaborate upon the fact that he is certainly not unsightly, highlighting the things that make him the exact opposite. "But see, doing a personal mission for a missing-nin is generally frowned upon in our society."

"No one would need to know," Itachi murmurs, obviously aware of how seductive he could make his voice when the occasion arose. Inner Sakura melted once more before demanding that she screw the consequences, take the job, then proceed to drag him into the nearest hotel and screw _him_.

"That doesn't sound dirty at all," Sakura deadpans. A low chuckle sounds from his general area and she stares.

"Are you drunk?" she demands. His dark eyes rise to meet hers.

"Why do you ask?"

"You just laughed, Uchiha."

"And…?"

She crosses her arms again. "Uchiha don't laugh unless they're unconscious and dreaming, drugged, drunk, or mentally insane. And usually, when it's the last, they sound more like a deranged lunatic."

The Akatsuki's smirk widens. "I assure you, I have not been drugged nor have I consumed any alcoholic beverages. Perhaps you should revisit your theory on the nature of the Uchiha, Sakura."

"Perhaps I should," she purrs, Inner Sakura's influence finally taking its toll. She shakes her head quickly. "Um…"

"Let us go, then," Itachi says, apparently ignoring her slip in tone, and he stands, offering her his hand. She accepts it delicately, and takes his arm before practically dragging him out of the bar. Behind them, Ino, Deidara, and Kisame are cheering the two of them on while Temari watches amusedly.

--

She does not stop walking once they are out of the bar, but Itachi is content to let her pull him wherever she wants to go. When she does stop, it is on the cement mock-porch of a moderately nice motel room, just a few feet from the sliding glass door. The kunoichi fiddles with the lock for a moment before coaxing the door open, then turns to him with a strange expression on her face.

He impassively reaches for his wallet, saying, "Will five thousand be enough?"

Somehow, his senses must have been slowed, because she manages to take him by the collar and slam him against the glass, a coy smirk on her face.

"No payment will be necessary," she breathes. "I wouldn't want to feel more like a slut than I already do." With that, she wrenches the door open, throws him in, and jumps in after him before slamming it shut.

--

**AN**: Couldn't help adding a second AN- XD. Poor Ita-kun. He never stood a chance. Inner Sakura _is_ the ultimate seme, after all…

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Twenty chapters in and I'm still saying it… don't think it's gonna change.**


	21. leap of faith

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura Lets Go_

**No. 29-** leap of faith

**Rating: **K+

**Genre: **Drama

**Pairing(s): **implied ItaSaku

**Word Count: **182

**AN**: 21… the legal drinking age in America, the age your brain stops growing, the number of chapters in this story so far… nice number, no? A thank-you to everyone who reviewed last chapter: CrAzYaNiMeFrEaKgUrL, MarzSpy, SundayMess, mango soda, rebellious-and-ditzy-bookworm, and RandomChibiDemon-chan.

--

They are engaged in combat with Uchiha Itachi. Squad B is in charge of his fishy friend, and though she should probably be with them, she is not. After all, no one knows why she should not be fighting the infamous murderer. No one knows that though she should hate him for killing her best friend-slash-first love, she finds it harder to attack him than she would to turn on her almost-brother.

After what seems like ages of dancing around one another, neither side gaining an advantage, she ignores everything she has ever been told about this man and meets his gaze on a whim, a brief burst of hope. She looks the last Uchiha- her own personal demon- in the eye, and says goodbye to everything else she has ever cared about. His expression never changes as his split pupils begin to spin. Her lids grow heavy, and she hears them call her name, sees them search her face for any sign of hope, but it's over. She submits, a small smile on her face as she collapses at his feet.

**Disclaimer: I'm not in the mood to think up a clever one, so… I dun own it.**


	22. shinobi

**Fifty**

_In Which Fate is Cruel_

**No. 35-** shinobi

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **Drama/Angst

**Pairing(s): **implied ItaSaku

**Word Count: **1562

**AN**: Good lord people, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. You wanna know what really made me do it? The Blood Thirsty Sliver Wolf, a wonderful, wonderful person, reviewed every single chapter the other day. _Every single one._ A ginormus thank you goes out to them, along with anyone else who has ever reviewed this story.

The pretext of this story is that the Uchiha massacre never happened, and Sakura is a civilian from an enemy country. It was heavily influenced by the short story, "The Cold Equations." Itachi might seem a bit out of character – I really have no clue at the moment.

--

"_Rat-taicho, we have a problem_." The call came from the youngest member of ANBU squad thirteen, leading the leader to believe it was probably not as important as the Goat-masked shinobi would make it out to be.

"What is it, Goat-san?" Itachi asked smoothly, never ceasing his surveillance of the area. The other nin coughed for a moment.

"_I have come into contact with a civilian from the village we are currently investigating. I am aware that we have been ordered to eliminate any such threats-_"

"But?" he inquired, catching his subordinate's reluctance in his speech.

A sigh could be heard from the other side. "_It's a civilian girl. Can't be older than fourteen._"

Itachi stiffened at the number. _**Sasuke**__ was fourteen._ "I will be there shortly. What are your coordinates?"

The Goat recited the numbers methodically, all emotion drained from his voice. "_Am I to assume that you will carry through with our orders, Rat-taicho?_"

"It is most likely, yes. I would like you to meet with Boar-san at our agreed-upon location. You may leave as soon as I reach your current position."

"_Hai._"

Though he was fairly far away from the other shinobi, it felt like no time had passed at all when he reached the area. His teammate vanished after a curt nod, leaving Uchiha Itachi alone with a shaking mess of a girl.

The girl in question was not particularly interesting. Aside from her rather exotic hair color, she was quite plain, with a forehead that seemed a bit too large for the rest of her face, and a thin frame that barely filled out the plain yukata she wore. There was no reason that he should not simply eliminate her there and then, and yet, he hesitated.

"What is your name, girl?" he asked blankly, sharingan still activated in case of a surprise assault.

She was staring at his eyes in frightened fascination, and barely managed to whisper, "Haruno Sakura, shinobi-san. Can I help you with anything?"

He inclined his head a bit. "I do not believe so, but I am afraid I have some unpleasant news."

"Un…pleasant?" she repeated, puzzlement evident on her face.

"Aa. My squad and I are under strict orders to eliminate any threat to the success of this mission, and any civilian belonging to the village we have been ordered to destroy falls under that category. You live in the village just over the hill, ne?"

"H-Hai, shinobi-san," Sakura replied, her eyes wide. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"We have been dispatched to eliminate that village, Haruno-san. Allowing you to live, despite the fact that it would be neigh on impossible for you to reach it and warn them before we attacked, goes against our orders."

Green depths became as round and wide as saucers, and she took an instinctive step back. "You… you are here to kill me? But… but I haven't done any- I've never done anything to hurt anyone! And now you people I don't even know want me dead?"

He shook his head slightly. "No one wants you dead, Haruno-san. It is simply a terrible twist of fate that you happened to cross our path today. There is nothing I am allowed to do to save you."

"How am I any threat?" she asked, quivering. "I… I am not a shinobi, I can barely walk a mile without collapsing. I hate conflict – I would never do anything…"

"But you would tell others of your plight, and someone would end up holding it against us."

"But… you're a shinobi!" she cried, frustrated tears threatening to seep out. "I thought shinobi could do anything!"

An ironic smirk tugged at his mouth, but it was hidden by his mask. "Sometimes, Haruno-san, a shinobi can do nothing but his duty, no matter how powerful he is."

"So you're really going to do it?" Sakura asked quietly. "You're going to… going to make me die? Just because I'm here?"

"That is the way it must be, Haruno-san," Itachi said in an equally low tone. "I offer my deepest condolences, but there is nothing that can be done."

The tears had finally come, pouring down her pale cheeks as she collapsed onto the forest floor. "Kaa-chan, tou-san… I n-n-never told them that I l-loved them. The l-last thing I s-said to my m-m-mother was that I h-hated her and n-n-never wanted t-to see her ever a-again!"

Something in him stirred, and he crouched to her level, simply gazing at her for a moment. In her blind hysteria, she reached out to him, clinging to his gloved and armored arm for some kind of stability, and he did not pull away. If she had been his sister, daughter, lover, he would have wanted her to have some comfort in her final moments. And so, he allowed her tears to stain his usually impeccable shirtsleeve and he allowed her to hold him in a way he would never allow anyone else to.

Her tears soon abided, but the raw fear and sorrow in her gaze never did. "Is there… is there really n-nothing you can do?" she hiccupped, looking up at him expectantly. He shook his head.

"We were ordered to leave no witnesses. I apologize, Haruno-san."

"So… I really am going to die then," the girl said softly. "I never… never thought I'd die so young..." she trailed off with quiet resignation. "I guess… if this is the only way."

"It is," he confirmed. He hesitated a moment before asking if she was ready.

"I'll never be ready, shinobi-san," she answered honestly. "Ano… I do have a question. Why didn't the other shinobi-san take care of me?" Itachi considered her for a few seconds.

"Goat-san did not dispose of you because he does not have it within him to take the life of an innocent young girl," he said lowly. Her brow furrowed.

"And… you do, shinobi-san?"

"Aa, I do. I have done so before," he admitted.

"Yet, you have been nothing but kind to me this whole time," Sakura said. "Are you saying that is all an act?"

"No," he said simply. "I am a killer, Haruno-san, but I am not a remorseless one."

"I see…" She remained silent for a moment. "Then… shinobi-san, I would like to make my last request."

He inclined his head.

"I… would like it very much if you would kiss me, shinobi-san. I've never been kissed, you see, and I don't want to die that way. It's rather silly, I know, but-" She stopped, half expecting him to flatly deny her request, but he simply gazed at her with an unreadable expression. Slowly, ever so slowly, he removed his mask, and dipped his head.

"If it would ease your burden, that is a reasonable request." She blushed at his serious tone, turning her head up expectantly. He lowered his to gently capture her lips with his own.

It was not the most spectacular of kisses – there was no great flame of burning lust between the two, no sudden realization of romantic feelings, no gut-wrenching feeling of true longing, but it was not cold. This kiss was soft, warm, comforting, and nothing like either expected.

They pulled away after a few moments, leaving her to gaze at him with a lightly content expression.

"And… could you tell me your name, shinobi-san? I would like to know the name of my angel of death so that I might watch him from heaven," she said rather boldly. Itachi was a bit taken aback, but he acquiesced.

"My name is Uchiha Itachi," he said quietly. She smiled faintly.

"Itachi… a weasel, the bringer of misfortune. It seems the perfect name for you, shinobi-san." She giggled softly. "Itachi.

"I think I could have loved a man like you, Itachi-san," she said with a small smile. "I… I'm happy right now. I'd like to die happy. I think… I think I'm ready."

He nodded again. She closed her eyes.

"Will it hurt, Itachi-san?"

"No. It will feel like you are falling asleep, but you will never wake up." He paused.

"Ano…" she started. "Would… it be too much to ask for you to hold me, Itachi-san? I… I just don't want to die with nothing to cling to."

"It would not be too much to ask," he replied, taking her into a barely restrictive hold. She sighed and rested her head on his chest.

"Arigato, Itachi-san," she said quietly. The ANBU captain nodded, before closing his eyes and beginning the jutsu that would take her into Death's cold embrace. Her body began to go limp as she succumbed to its advances, and after a few moments, she was dead weight in his lap. He stood, carefully laying her corpse on the forest floor, and studied it for a few moments before closing one eye.

Black flames engulfed the body, and he had to turn away from the acrid stench of burning flesh, but the smokeless modification of Amaterasu worked exactly as it was supposed to, leaving only a small pile of ashes in its wake. Itachi strode over to the pile, and took a handful of them in his right hand. He stared at them for several seconds.

"I could have cared for a girl like you, Sakura-san," he murmured as he blew them from his palm. "Farewell."

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, the Cold Equations, or anything else copyrighted/trademarked/licensed in any way in this story.**


	23. pebble

**Fifty**

_In Which Sakura is Like a Rock_

**No. 44-** pebble

**Rating: **K+

**Genre: **General

**Pairing(s): **implied ItaSaku

**Word Count: **365

**AN**: Um… wow. The response to last chapter was so amazingly awesome that I was inspired! This piece has actually been written for a while, floating around my computer with no home, but I decided to tune it up a bit, and presto! It matches Fifty! Thus, I present you with _**pebble**_.

Cookies to anyone who can figure out what anime inspired this little snippet.

--

He was feared as the deadliest assassin of his time, who would take any job and do it flawlessly. He was a killer, because that was what he was good at. He had been born and bred for murder, groomed from an early age to carry out the judgment of others. On the outside, he was no more than a machine: cold, calculating, doing only as he was told in the most efficient way possible. No one knew what went on underneath the mask, because he had been taught to keep it under wraps. He killed because he didn't know anything else, until he met her.

She was less of a metaphorical stone than a metaphorical _boulder_ that disturbed the dark waters of his mind.

The way she lived fascinated him. She was wild, free to do anything she liked with no one to answer to. She never had anywhere important to be, and she always had the time to spend on a whim. She laughed with everyone she met, even the grumpiest of grumpy old men, and was loved in return. She lived life on her own terms, and she was _happy_.

He wanted that.

When he told her so, she just gave him that silly grin of hers and asked him why he couldn't have it. He replied that his career didn't allow it, and she laughed and told him to quit. He protested that it wasn't that easy.

"If you want it that badly, you can do it," she said simply.

He thought about that for days. Her words echoed in his head as he stared at his target, an innocent young girl of almost eleven. After a momentary struggle with his sense of duty, he walked away.

The legendary assassin known as Raven disappeared from the underworld that day. Uchiha Itachi emerged a changed man, all thanks to a strange pink-haired woman who laughed too much and didn't know when to stop talking. Years later, Haruno Sakura would still pat his arm and fondly tease that she had tamed the Raven. He would always correct her. She hadn't tamed him, he would say. She made him wild and set him free.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything remotely recognizable.**


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